Live Your Life As A Theme Park

The last 9 months have been a rollercoaster ride. It's one of those rickety old ones that kind of scare the crap out of you, but you muster some courage and decide to ride it anyway. It goes slow, possibly breaks down a couple of times. It manages to whip you around enough to encourage your stomach to give up its contents. By the end of the ups and downs, you hope you never have to get on there again, it didn't seem to work very well, and to be honest it wasn't much fun.

But now, I'm off to see the rest of the theme park. There are lots of rides and sights to see. Tons are grabbing my attention. There are so many that I've never experienced before, and many others that I can't wait to feel the thrill of yet again. I've missed some of those old classics. There are some characters who I still haven't managed to catch a glimpse of and others who are new and I've never seen before.

One thing interesting about all of this, is the drastic deterioration and destruction and then construction and now renovation of my body. Since it's been 3 months since I had my surgery, I've been trying to get it to a place where it is completely functional and that I feel pleased about. I haven't been able to do much at all, and before that just didn't do much at all.

Part of me is hesitant to do certain physical activities. My left arm is still weak and my scar twinges a bit here and there. Yesterday, I proved things to myself, and probably to others! I went to the Ape Caves. They are a 13,042 feet lava tube near Mt. St. Helens. This isn't some simple hike. We had to bring headlamps, or just flashlights, to be able see at all. The floor is most definitely not flat, and there are rocks all over that you are constantly climbing over. There was one place that we had to climb up a flat surface of rock-- it really only had one foothold. I wouldn't have been able to get up it were it not for my friend Eric and some other guy to pull me up.

This picture I took at one point where we had a skylight in the cave. You wouldn't want to climb up it-its actually not allowed. But it was neat to have a moment of light and to see all the moss and stuff growing in there. The cave is year round about 42 degrees. But it was super misty in there. It was constantly dripping water on us. All of the run off from the melting snow was coming through all the cracks. I swear we saw two under ground lakes. My shoes got soaked several times. There were a few times that I would tell myself I was tired and wanted to quit, but I kept going. After a few minutes, it wouldn't be as bad as before.

Here is one look inside the cave.

This is the exit that we eventually made our way out of. A whole troop of people were standing outside of it waiting to go in when we came out. This opening is actually not quite at the end, a couple hundred feet of cave is past this. We went down there and I swear I was in the Chamber of Secrets. Remember when Harry and Ron went down the first time to rescue Ginny? The rocks came caving in and Ron and Harry were separated on either side. It definitely felt like that. At the very end of the cave, it was actually quite open. It had a cathedral ceiling and a little place to sit. I didn't want to though because a pile of Bat guana was already sitting there.

I'm still quite sore today, but I'm ok! I'm still functional and I'm excited to continue to do such things in the future. I'd love to find more strenuous hikes to explore, and I think I'm finally up for learning how to rock wall climb. The harnesses have always made me freak out. The views from yesterday, as well as the company I was keeping, was so refreshing after staring the same few walls for so many months.

Here I am in front of Mt. St. Helens. A cloud was covering the top of it the whole time, but it still was pretty crazy beautiful.

I'm excited about this brand new era in my life and can't wait to make even more adventures. Life is beautiful. In fact, sometimes it's DOUBLY beautiful.

Cancer, interesting.

It's interesting, cancer. One day you know nothing about it, except that there are people that have it, races for cures, and lots of research into finding out more. The next day, you find out you have it.

But guess what? You still know nothing! Everything is vague, you don't know if you should be scared or just be patient to see just how serious everything is before you decide to worry. Nope-you still have no clue about when that should be. So, you go to doctors appointments, you do as they say and smile and nod at crazy words being thrown around. The next thing you know, everyone is asking about you, or asking how you are doing. How should I know? My doctor doesn't even know. Am I supposed to be scared yet? At all?

People are coming out of the wood-works, others are disappearing. How do you deal with this social disturbance? You start feeling funny because you're repeating yourself over and over, saying half truths, giving reassurance--for their sake, or your own?

You feel good for a little while, because you're doing lazy stuff--playing on the computer, watching movies and tv a lot, reading books. Everyone is doing things for you. Making you meals, doing all the chores, chauffering you around. It's a prideful high. But then it gets old.

You realize your independence is gone. The others are doing this for you, yes because they love you, but also because you can't do it yourself. Well, why the heck not? So, you get up, try to make a meal, simple, but you're trying it yourself. Ope, no luck. You have to sit down halfway through because you're worn out and you just might lose your lunch before even getting to eat it. Alright, you muster more strength to finish and you sit down to eat, completely wiped out. Aha! But I've made myself food. I can still do something for myself. Eat that, fools. Ugh. This smells weird. Blech. Doesn't even taste great. Meh. At least it's something to eat. Uh-oh, I'm about to revisit it.


You find the little things to do, like laundry. Maybe you don't fold it and put it away, you don't even hang it up. But, it's nice to have clean clothes available. All you have to do it put it in the wash and hit start. That's easy. Crud, forgot about lifting the laundry basket. Hmmmm, I'll try kicking it across the floor with my foot. My bedroom to the washer isn't that far. Uergh. I'm retarded. How is lifting some clothes a few inches into the wash making me sweat? Finally, it is done. I'll go sit on the couch for a while as it washes. The next thing you know, it's been three hours. You think, oh shoot, I need to switch that over to the dryer. But I am not ready to get up, I feel exhausted. In a little bit, I'll do it. Whoops, it's been an hour. K, I can finally do it. So, you get up, switch it over. The  next day, you realize someone put your clothes in your basket and back in your room because they had to wash clothes. Dang, part of that independence is gone again. What's the point even? Clean clothes? The only place I go is doctors appointments. So, you let it all pile up again for a really long time.

You start missing your old life. All of the things you used to enjoy, the people you used to see and talk to. So you make plans and figure out what things you can do. The only problem is, you forget a few minutes later that you had thought of some things. Perhaps you should have written it down. Wait, write what down? What was I thinking about? Mmmm, probably sleep. Yeah I should sleep. That sounds good.

When you wake up, it takes about a half hour for your brain to be full aware that it is capable of thinking coherent things, sort of. What is life about? Why are you only observing it and it seems others are out living it? Oh yeah, cancer. Huh, strange, I forgot I had cancer. What does that mean though? Why should cancer make me stop living my life? Hmmmm I'm bored, I should go make something to eat....wait, need to make a trip to the bathroom first, again....

Cancer, it's an interesting thing.

YAC Fest NW and PT

I was going to post yesterday about YAC Fest, but blogger was having issues, so this is a two piece post now.

On Wednesday, I went with my sister to Seattle, where I took this gorgeous photo.

This was right in the middle of the city. At the Flagship store for REI. They definitely had a good landscaper on that one.

Anyway, in one of the conference rooms at REI, there was a Young Adults Cancer Fest for the North West. YAC Fest. It was the first annual, so it was kinda cool being there. Basically any young adults you have or have had cancer could go, and anyone else who was interested of course. They had lots of organic foods (Veggies, tofu stuff, natural sugar sodas, nutty brownie bar things, and I even tried the cherry tomato/mozerella/basil skewer). There was also a 17 minute portion of the video Wrong Way To Hope that was played. The video was about a group of 6 Canadians, young adults, who had cancer, and they went on a week long float down the Owyhee river in Oregon. It was funny and touching--I could definitely relate. There was this one line where my favorite guy said "I felt like an 85 year old man." I had to just laugh at that because I TOTALLY understood it. My grandmother (who is 80) and I were always talking and comparing when I was going through treatments. Oy. Then there was a speaker, Chad Kellogg. He is about to embark on a trip up Mt. Everest, free of oxygen support. About 4 years ago when he was Mountain Climbing in China, he received news that his wife, who was climbing in Alaska, had died. Two months later, he found out he had colon cancer. Holy cow. How people deal with that kind of stuff, I'll never know. At the Fest there were also about 20 different booths where you could talk and get information, or paraphernalia. Here are some of my spoils.

I also got a few stickers and buttons too. Some of the booths that were represented there were: Livestrong, First Descents, i[2]y, Camp Korey, Cancer for College, the YMCA, American Cancer Society, True North Treks, Knight Cancer Institute, Team Survivor Northwest, Imerman Angels, Athletes For Cancer, Gilda's Club Seattle, and the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center Survivorship Program. Let me tell you a little bit about a few of them. Click on the links to know more.

You've probably heard about Livestrong before. The world renowned cyclist Lance Armstrong founded it and came out with those nifty yellow arm bands--as seen above in my photo. This organization does everything. If you think that cancer patients need it, they do it. I'm excited to actually learn more as I peruse their website.

First Descents I hadn't heard of before but perhaps someday down the road I'll want to venture over with them. They offer free week-long outdoor adventure programs, such as Whitewater Kayaking, Rock Climbing and Mountaineering and Surfing. I've never done any of those things before, but why not? Perhaps I'll try it someday.

Stupid Cancer, or i[2]y is targeted towards young adults with cancer. i[2]y stands for "I'm too young for this." Their Seattle/Metro branch was the one hosting YAC Fest. They have tons of information for young adults affected by cancer and every Monday host an hour-long online radio show. I've listened to about 23 minutes of one show so far. ha ha but I'll get there. Sounds interesting. The bracelet you see there actually has a hand giving you the finger--well, giving cancer the finger. On their website they have a kid friendly version that actually has a bird. They didn't have any of those to give out though. :( Zack Efron is actually a supporter for this organization because his cousin had cancer and so they took some photos together flipping off the camera.

Cancer for College is basically what it sounds like. They give away hundreds of thousands of dollars in scholarships each year for cancer patients and survivors. It was started by a guy who by the age of 19 was battling cancer for the second time. He created this basically as a class project in college and with a little help from a fellow frat brother, it actually sustained and has lasted almost 20 years. Each year dozens of people receive lots of scholarships from them. Not only did this frat brother end up being someone, you might have heard of him, he's sort of well known, goes by the name Will Ferrell!!!! but the guy, Craig, who started it, ended up getting an infection he couldn't fight off because cancer treatments had worn down his immune system, and because of this lost both of his feet at the ankle. So, not only does this organization help cancer patients, but amputees as well.

True North Treks is an organization that helps survivors through treks in nature focusing on outdoor skills and mindful awareness practices. Lots of intense hikes and climbs. You connect with nature, yourself, and others. Sounds interesting but it's a bit expensive, so I doubt I'll do it anytime soon.

The last one I wanted to talk about was Imerman's Angels. I had to read the brochure to understand what they were about. Think about an online dating service. This is very similar. They give one on one support to those affected by cancer. You sign up and within a day, they match you with another participant who has a similar diagnoses, age, gender, treatment, and if you want, lives in the same area. You can contact this person however you want. It is just a support group that can be as personal or anonymous as you'd like. I want to sign up. It'll be nice to have someone who really knows to talk to.

I met quite a few people at YAC Fest, but no friends or anything like that. Perhaps that will come with time as I integrate myself into the Young Adults with Cancer society.

Today I went to my first physical therapy appointment. I met with Shawn, my physical therapist. She was very nice. We went over a bunch of basics and then she does some "testing" to see where my strength was at. She can tell I'm a little weak. My left side more so than my right. It makes sense. With my rib still hurting and being quite painful for so long, I've avoided using that side all that often. She gave me some "homework." I have to do some stretching to help my stomach and arms ... well ... stretch! I have bad posture right now because my stomach muscles have been healing and forming back together and they are getting tight and pulling me down and forward. We are going to correct that. Also, she noticed that about half of my scar is tight. She wants me to keep it moisturized everyday--like using my cocoa butter--and also help release the scar tissue. I have to massage my scar. Never even thought of that before. But it will help loosen it up and in turn, loosen me up. She also gave me a fitness "regime" that she would like me to do. At least 30 minutes of moderate cardio a day. I had already planned on doing this, so it's nice to hear it allowed and encouraged by a professional. I'll have at least 3 more appointments with her to get all the work I need to get me back in to optimum physical function. :) I'll keep you posted.

BIG NEWS!!!!!

Just two months and three days after a major life threatening/altering surgery, I managed to go walking/running outside, all the while my nose was running down my face. I went around the block twice and there is an alley way right in the middle of it which I ran/sprinted down twice. I wasn't out there long, one because it started to rain, but also because I didn't want to overdo it my first day. Hopefully this, plus my improved diet (which I've been doing pretty well at since getting help from my nutritionist), will get me to a good weight. I talked with my nutritionist yesterday and she told me that diet plays such an important part in recurrence of Kidney Cancer, even more so than it does for Breast Cancer. One thing that I had decided during this whole process was that my diet and weight management were going to be number one because I definitely don't want ANY chance of having cancer come back or come up in other places.

In OTHER news, I met with my Oncologist, Dr. Tykodi yesterday. Tuesday I had follow-up CT Scans. So Dr. Tykodi gave me the results yesterday. It was actually sort of weird. I had to tell people that I only have one Kidney. I hadn't done that yet since the surgery, not in that way at least, so it was a little strange. I think it sort of solidified the fact that my life has changed forever. Dr. Tykodi told me that yes, I had Type 2 Pappillary Renal Cell Carcinoma, but what I didn't know before (I only suspected it was) was that it was stage 4. For those not up on their cancer lingo--that's REALLY bad. It's the last step before terminal. But, have no fear because the news Dr. Tykodi gave me was . . .

FABULOUS!!!!!

All the scans and everything show that I am doing well and that for now there is no evidence of cancer. I'm clean!! I have no further treatment plan at this time and will not have to do anything until my next scans in September. It is a very good thing. I'm quite pleased at how everything has turned out.

There was one small dent in all of this. I found out I have a 2 in. cyst on my left Ovary. Darn my left side. I have to make an appointment for about 6 weeks from now to get an ultrasound on that. Anyone have any experience with cysts? I've survived cancer, I can handle it. :)