What was I saying?

As I move further away from my diagnosis and surgery for Kidney Cancer, I find that it is easier for myself and others to really forget all that I went through.

Lately my left side at the rib has been acting out again. I would have thought that over two years later, I wouldn't still be dealing with this pain, but nonetheless, it remains a constant thorn in my side. I have to switch to sleeping or laying onto my right side because I can't be on the left for too long without it starting to swell and give me some pain.

As annoying as this may be, it really doesn't compare to some more ... sensitive things. Now that I'm back in school and having to work harder than I ever have before on a scholarly level, I'm noticing the changes in my study habits and abilities. While test taking has never been easy for me, it is even more difficult now. Quizzes in particular have cause me issues. The reason being? My memory retention and in particular, my recall/processing speed is crap. I learn things, I know them but when time comes for me to express and reveal that knowledge, I fail. It's like there is a lock in my brain and I'm fumbling with the keys trying to open it but I'm left in the dark and can't gain access.

Fortunately my grades haven't suffered unmanageably by this "defect" I now have. The thing that has been the struggle is when I am having conversations with people and it just takes longer to get a story or information out. It's like I have ADHD and my brain is distracted by other things it has to process and can only do one at a time, so my speech suffers. The worst is if I get interrupted. Having to remember where I left off and what I was on my way to saying is next to impossible now. I have to rely heavily on others in the conversation to guide me back to the point I was making, which honestly makes a lot of stories anti-climactic. It makes me feel very foolish, to be honest. And it is frustrating when I have to explain to people that my processing speed is just not there. They need to be really patient with me. But it is hard for others to remember this about me. It is difficult being smart but having people question that from hearing me speak. :(

I dislike making depressing posts but I was frustrated about this recently and felt like making a post about it. If you talk to me and notice that I'm having a hard time remembering what I'm saying or forget what I'm talking about in the middle of our conversation, please be patient with me. And don't give up on me. Chemo is hard on the body, but also on the brain.