I am online a lot. Mostly because there is nothing else for me to do. These last two days especially have been pretty poor days as far as energy and health goes. I haven't really left bed at all today (and of course by bed, I mean couch.) So, there was something I felt like sharing and that's why I'm writing another blog entry.
Recently at a social gathering I found out that my span of readers is a LOT bigger than I had previously thought. A friend of my sisters mothers friend sent my blog to my entire first elementary school. Wha?! Who knows who actually reads this. My kindergarten teacher, Mr. Calico? My third grade teacher Mr. Hoppe-Leonard? Kinda made me nervous about what I post. :)
Well, this helps bring up a certain point I've been feeling lately. Sitting at home all day with facebook and clips from Ellen Degeneres website leave a lot to be desired in my life. Many people ask me what they can do for me all the time. I hardly can think of any answers. How do you ask for charity? (Except in the form of health care where I might need charity care) :) Here is something I ask all of you my readers: PLEASE leave comments on the blogs you read. I receive a few from some great friends and acquaintances here and there, but I know the majority of you are holding out on me. I cannot begin to tell you how much your words will help me get through the mundane and perpetually never ending days that I have on this couch. Even if you don't have a blogger or Gmail account, you can still post. I just need to hear it I guess.
One of my "Love Languages" (Dr. Gary Chapman, great stuff) is Quality Time. Well, I spend my time by myself and it's really starting to suck. Even though most of you live far away, just dropping a line or two will really help. Thanks a bunch!
-Mallory
PS. Since my DSHS hasn't gone through yet, I have to go to the SCCA to get my tri-weekly shots, starting Monday. Well, at least we can do that much. :)
PPS. I really need to revamp the design of my blog but have no clue. If anyone wants to help, I'd appreciate it. :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Absent
Hi everyone! So I haven't posted in several days because my computer has been really weird. It would freeze and not let me open any programs. It was quite annoying. Well, today it apparently decided to not have PMS. Warning: Long blog! Whoa!
My trip to the SCCA on Wednesday was actually longer than my trip last Friday, thankfully it didn't feel as long. We showed up and I had to do a blood draw. A little girl was back there getting a shot or something but she was screaming bloody murder. Made me sad to think a little girl was there. It took a little while but they found a vein and managed to take some blood. Then we went upstairs and waited for a bit to see Dr. Tykodi. A lady with a little cart walked around offering people juice, water and crackers. All free. Cool! We went back and the nurse weighed me and I was actually pleased to see I have not lost any weight. I think I've finally hit a plateau. I have lost far too much weight in a short enough period, so I'm ok where I'm at. My blood pressure was fine too. Well, i had to lay down on the table because I was so exhausted. It took at least a half hour before he came in to see us. He told me that my MRI and Bone Scan were fine. Nothing stood out to them that we should be worried about. Phew!!
Basically he went over what he has before about my meds. My dad had really been confused before.
My medical treatment is as thus: Starting this last Wednesday (10-20-10) I would receive through IV Bevacizumab (Avastin) every other wednesday at the SCCA. Starting next Monday* (10-25-10) I would start through an under the skin shot Interferon. I would first start with 300 million, then up to 600 million and then the highest i'd probably go is 900 million. The Avastin wouldn't really have side effects except perhaps high blood pressure, and fatigue. The blood pressure they'll just keep an eye on at my appointments and if needed, they'll put me on meds for it. The Interferon is where the side effects will come and give me problems. I am going to have flu symptoms like crazy and perhaps some other symptoms. I can't remember what all of them are. The Interferon I'll have to take three times a week.
So after this we asked Marla (she's the lady I go to to make any of my appointments. I give her the paperwork, she makes the schedule) to get ahold of Sharon (my nurse) because I had an appt with her. I dont know why, but my dad decided this was a good time to take off and have a cigarette. Sharon and my pharmacist Anna came out just a few minutes later but we needed my dad to be there. I tried to call him but it went strait to voicemail. I tried calling back about 7 minutes later and he answered and said he'd be up in a minute. He had been on the phone with my mom, updating her. So, my dad, Anna and I went into a little conference room. She was going to teach me the proper way to inject my Interferon shots. I was able to use some saline solution and inject it into this weird fake flesh colored thing. Good thing I got to practice and that my dad was there to learn about it all too. I almost did it wrong.
After this we had a little over an hour before i was due in the Infusion department to start the Avastin. My dad and I took a little walk up the street to a cafe (which I won't title because that would be defaming it really...) It took forever for the lady to come up to us to order. The place was pretty busy but it was just the one waitress and then one guy behind the bar cooking. Once we ordered, it took forever to get the food. In fact, it took so long that i ended up taking off to get to my appt in time and my dad had to catch up with me later with the food.
I checked in at the Infusion desk and it was interesting because just like at restaurants, they give you those square pager things that light up and buzz when it's your turn. I was reading a magazine (Ugh,getting tired of those) and waiting for mine to light up when my dad showed up with the lunch I had ordered. He said his sandwich left a lot to be desired. The little pizza I ordered had the same effect. I didn't even finish it.
My pager went off and they told us to go to room 8. It took us some time to find it. There are like 60 rooms back there. It was weird because we thought maybe we had the wrong room. We waited, and waited. I turned on the tv and found Fullhouse was on.. (that was like the only thing..) After almost 20 minutes, we asked a nurse walking by if someone was going to come in to talk to us. She told us to hit the nurse call button. I did and some girl came in. We told her this was our first time here and no one had come in yet to talk to us. She seemed surprised and asked if we wanted a tour. A bit confused, we said yes. She took us down the hall and showed us which rooms get which nurses desk (There were so many, seriously!!) where we could find warm blankets (why do they have such thin blankets anyway?) and then, this is where we were a little bummed and upset, she showed us both kitchen areas where they have tons of free food and drinks that are self serve. Seriously? You mean we didn't have to go to that dumb cafe after all? They have tons of options and I'm kinda excited to take advantage of that in the future. When we got back to the room, we had to wait like another 10 minutes before a nurse came in. So, basically we had been back there for about an hour at this point. The nurse said or asked something and we told her no one had come back to us yet. And also that this was our very first time to the infusion center. She kept apologizing and how this was a bad first impression. She said a nurse that was supposed to take care of my room went off for a lunch break and that she was covering and just remembered to come take care of us.. (or some crap like that). She was actually quite nice about it and I was not comforted when the nurse that went off to have lunch came in... ugh my dad and i both didn't care for her. It was weird how she didn't really want to open her mouth when she talked. Plus, she seemed really spacey.
The first nurse then proceeded to fit me with an IV. I have HORRIBLE veins. They are super shy and won't come out. She tried (and it kinda hurt) to put one in on my hand, right next to where I had the blood drawn earlier, but after a while had to take it out because it wasn't working. She eventually got it to work in my arm near my elbow pit. :) They have to be really careful because of the type of drug that this is, if it leaks out at all, there can be major problems, so they try to avoid joints. I'm not going to say this was a painless process. I hate needles and this just fueled that hate.
It took 30 minutes to get all the Avastin in and then they have to do a flush which takes 10 minutes. After that, they took out the IV and sent us home. (We took some food and drinks with us to go, ha ha) We stopped by to see Marla and get my finished treatment schedule. Then it was off to horrible traffic we went. :)
* This asterisk meant that the start date has some issues... Dr. Tykodi WANTS me to start the Interferon come Monday, but I won't be able to because my DSHS hasn't been approved yet. This is turning into a mess. My dad finally got a hold of someone over there and they weren't happy with what I had turned in to them or something. I don't know. If I could just go in to talk with someone there instead of them sending us little letters saying what they need, it'd probably work out better. So, the deal is, we are going to try for DSHS this week because Dr. Tykodi doesn't want me to wait any longer than the following Monday to start. Hopefully all of this will work out.
Well, that's about it I guess, unless I think of more to put up later. I hope all is well with you and yours aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I hope these meds work to kick cancers butt.
-Mallory
My trip to the SCCA on Wednesday was actually longer than my trip last Friday, thankfully it didn't feel as long. We showed up and I had to do a blood draw. A little girl was back there getting a shot or something but she was screaming bloody murder. Made me sad to think a little girl was there. It took a little while but they found a vein and managed to take some blood. Then we went upstairs and waited for a bit to see Dr. Tykodi. A lady with a little cart walked around offering people juice, water and crackers. All free. Cool! We went back and the nurse weighed me and I was actually pleased to see I have not lost any weight. I think I've finally hit a plateau. I have lost far too much weight in a short enough period, so I'm ok where I'm at. My blood pressure was fine too. Well, i had to lay down on the table because I was so exhausted. It took at least a half hour before he came in to see us. He told me that my MRI and Bone Scan were fine. Nothing stood out to them that we should be worried about. Phew!!
Basically he went over what he has before about my meds. My dad had really been confused before.
My medical treatment is as thus: Starting this last Wednesday (10-20-10) I would receive through IV Bevacizumab (Avastin) every other wednesday at the SCCA. Starting next Monday* (10-25-10) I would start through an under the skin shot Interferon. I would first start with 300 million, then up to 600 million and then the highest i'd probably go is 900 million. The Avastin wouldn't really have side effects except perhaps high blood pressure, and fatigue. The blood pressure they'll just keep an eye on at my appointments and if needed, they'll put me on meds for it. The Interferon is where the side effects will come and give me problems. I am going to have flu symptoms like crazy and perhaps some other symptoms. I can't remember what all of them are. The Interferon I'll have to take three times a week.
So after this we asked Marla (she's the lady I go to to make any of my appointments. I give her the paperwork, she makes the schedule) to get ahold of Sharon (my nurse) because I had an appt with her. I dont know why, but my dad decided this was a good time to take off and have a cigarette. Sharon and my pharmacist Anna came out just a few minutes later but we needed my dad to be there. I tried to call him but it went strait to voicemail. I tried calling back about 7 minutes later and he answered and said he'd be up in a minute. He had been on the phone with my mom, updating her. So, my dad, Anna and I went into a little conference room. She was going to teach me the proper way to inject my Interferon shots. I was able to use some saline solution and inject it into this weird fake flesh colored thing. Good thing I got to practice and that my dad was there to learn about it all too. I almost did it wrong.
After this we had a little over an hour before i was due in the Infusion department to start the Avastin. My dad and I took a little walk up the street to a cafe (which I won't title because that would be defaming it really...) It took forever for the lady to come up to us to order. The place was pretty busy but it was just the one waitress and then one guy behind the bar cooking. Once we ordered, it took forever to get the food. In fact, it took so long that i ended up taking off to get to my appt in time and my dad had to catch up with me later with the food.
I checked in at the Infusion desk and it was interesting because just like at restaurants, they give you those square pager things that light up and buzz when it's your turn. I was reading a magazine (Ugh,getting tired of those) and waiting for mine to light up when my dad showed up with the lunch I had ordered. He said his sandwich left a lot to be desired. The little pizza I ordered had the same effect. I didn't even finish it.
My pager went off and they told us to go to room 8. It took us some time to find it. There are like 60 rooms back there. It was weird because we thought maybe we had the wrong room. We waited, and waited. I turned on the tv and found Fullhouse was on.. (that was like the only thing..) After almost 20 minutes, we asked a nurse walking by if someone was going to come in to talk to us. She told us to hit the nurse call button. I did and some girl came in. We told her this was our first time here and no one had come in yet to talk to us. She seemed surprised and asked if we wanted a tour. A bit confused, we said yes. She took us down the hall and showed us which rooms get which nurses desk (There were so many, seriously!!) where we could find warm blankets (why do they have such thin blankets anyway?) and then, this is where we were a little bummed and upset, she showed us both kitchen areas where they have tons of free food and drinks that are self serve. Seriously? You mean we didn't have to go to that dumb cafe after all? They have tons of options and I'm kinda excited to take advantage of that in the future. When we got back to the room, we had to wait like another 10 minutes before a nurse came in. So, basically we had been back there for about an hour at this point. The nurse said or asked something and we told her no one had come back to us yet. And also that this was our very first time to the infusion center. She kept apologizing and how this was a bad first impression. She said a nurse that was supposed to take care of my room went off for a lunch break and that she was covering and just remembered to come take care of us.. (or some crap like that). She was actually quite nice about it and I was not comforted when the nurse that went off to have lunch came in... ugh my dad and i both didn't care for her. It was weird how she didn't really want to open her mouth when she talked. Plus, she seemed really spacey.
The first nurse then proceeded to fit me with an IV. I have HORRIBLE veins. They are super shy and won't come out. She tried (and it kinda hurt) to put one in on my hand, right next to where I had the blood drawn earlier, but after a while had to take it out because it wasn't working. She eventually got it to work in my arm near my elbow pit. :) They have to be really careful because of the type of drug that this is, if it leaks out at all, there can be major problems, so they try to avoid joints. I'm not going to say this was a painless process. I hate needles and this just fueled that hate.
It took 30 minutes to get all the Avastin in and then they have to do a flush which takes 10 minutes. After that, they took out the IV and sent us home. (We took some food and drinks with us to go, ha ha) We stopped by to see Marla and get my finished treatment schedule. Then it was off to horrible traffic we went. :)
* This asterisk meant that the start date has some issues... Dr. Tykodi WANTS me to start the Interferon come Monday, but I won't be able to because my DSHS hasn't been approved yet. This is turning into a mess. My dad finally got a hold of someone over there and they weren't happy with what I had turned in to them or something. I don't know. If I could just go in to talk with someone there instead of them sending us little letters saying what they need, it'd probably work out better. So, the deal is, we are going to try for DSHS this week because Dr. Tykodi doesn't want me to wait any longer than the following Monday to start. Hopefully all of this will work out.
Well, that's about it I guess, unless I think of more to put up later. I hope all is well with you and yours aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I hope these meds work to kick cancers butt.
-Mallory
Sunday, October 17, 2010
A day in Radiology
On Friday, my dad and I went down to the SCCA for me to do some tests. We got there about noon and picked up a prescription I put in on Wednesday. Then we went to the 2nd floor where all my appointments were. (There are 7 floors there) They called me back to draw some blood and inject me with this radioactive stuff for my bone scan later. I don't know how hard it is for nurses to find veins to poke into, but I seem to always find the ones that really still have no clue how to do it. Let's just say where this nurse put it was not comfortable and I have a big bruise now and it feels funny in my arm, two days later.
After they did that I went to a little waiting room before my MRI. I basically was forced to read an extremely outdated People magazine. That was the only thing to do there. Then they came and brought me into the room for the MRI. They gave me ear plugs and I got on the bed. Then they put these huge headphones on and moved me into the machine and put some things around my head so I wouldn't move it. You have to lay really perfectly still for this test. I was able to listen to Lifehouse-Who We Are for the 30 minutes of testing. Then they pulled me back out, injected some stuff in me and put me back in for 10 more minutes.
I went back to the recovery room, where I was originally when they drew the blood, and was given juice and cookies. They finally (this was several hours later mind you) took out the IV from my arm. It had been so uncomfortable. Then I went and joined my restless father in the waiting room. We waited for about 45 minutes before they called me back for my bone scan.
The bone scan was interesting. The guy strapped me onto the bed (that sounds bad..) and then I couldn't move ANYTHING at all during the whole imaging process. The "camera" aka freaking huge square thing, got really close to my face and slowly moved down my body to take images of my bones. We had to redo my toes at the end because I was hanging over the bed a little and the tips got cut off on the images. Then the guy did two more images of my left side of my rib cage. He said he saw something but was pretty sure it might be from my biopsy. He has to get the scan approved by the radiologist before letting me go in case they see something and want additional tests. Well, she wanted even more imaging on my left rib cage. I had to have my arms above my head the entire time. It slowly went 180* around me and oh my goodness. My right arm was hurting so bad. At the end, they had to move my arms for me because they were so dead.
I received juice and string cheese and was then free to go. When I got out to the waiting area, my dad literally was the only person out there. Even the receptionists were gone. It was past 6. What a day!
I go back on Wednesday to do a bunch of other stuff but Dr Tykodi will go over my results with me then. I'm a little nervous about what they might have seen on my left rib cage. I've heard of Kidney Cancer patients having to have ribs removed. Hopefully all will be ok and I wont have to have that.
Until next time...
-Mallory
After they did that I went to a little waiting room before my MRI. I basically was forced to read an extremely outdated People magazine. That was the only thing to do there. Then they came and brought me into the room for the MRI. They gave me ear plugs and I got on the bed. Then they put these huge headphones on and moved me into the machine and put some things around my head so I wouldn't move it. You have to lay really perfectly still for this test. I was able to listen to Lifehouse-Who We Are for the 30 minutes of testing. Then they pulled me back out, injected some stuff in me and put me back in for 10 more minutes.
I went back to the recovery room, where I was originally when they drew the blood, and was given juice and cookies. They finally (this was several hours later mind you) took out the IV from my arm. It had been so uncomfortable. Then I went and joined my restless father in the waiting room. We waited for about 45 minutes before they called me back for my bone scan.
The bone scan was interesting. The guy strapped me onto the bed (that sounds bad..) and then I couldn't move ANYTHING at all during the whole imaging process. The "camera" aka freaking huge square thing, got really close to my face and slowly moved down my body to take images of my bones. We had to redo my toes at the end because I was hanging over the bed a little and the tips got cut off on the images. Then the guy did two more images of my left side of my rib cage. He said he saw something but was pretty sure it might be from my biopsy. He has to get the scan approved by the radiologist before letting me go in case they see something and want additional tests. Well, she wanted even more imaging on my left rib cage. I had to have my arms above my head the entire time. It slowly went 180* around me and oh my goodness. My right arm was hurting so bad. At the end, they had to move my arms for me because they were so dead.
I received juice and string cheese and was then free to go. When I got out to the waiting area, my dad literally was the only person out there. Even the receptionists were gone. It was past 6. What a day!
I go back on Wednesday to do a bunch of other stuff but Dr Tykodi will go over my results with me then. I'm a little nervous about what they might have seen on my left rib cage. I've heard of Kidney Cancer patients having to have ribs removed. Hopefully all will be ok and I wont have to have that.
Until next time...
-Mallory
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Treatment game plan
Hi everyone!
My dad and I went down to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) building today (just off the Science Center/Mercer St. exit in Seattle) and found out what the plan is going to be for me.
We first did some financial stuff, trying to get disability through DSHS so these many huge bills can be paid. Then it was up to the 4th floor to talk with Dr. Tykodi. Having worked with Dr. Chen at the Everett Clinic, and Dr. Lin at UW Medical center, I was expecting Dr. Tykodi to be asian too. Nope. Totally white.
Dr. Tykodi went over some questions with me about my family history and my symptom history. Then he told me the game plan for what's going to happen with my Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC) (Kidney Cancer). Basically, at this point, I'm inoperable. If they went in, they'd be met by a lot of unknowns because of that tumor that is wrapping itself around my aorta. So, what they'll do instead of the RCC usual, (just surgery to take out the cancerous kidney) is give me "shrinking" drugs, for lack of a better term.
Friday I go in for an MRI and a Bone scan. These will help determine that no cancerous cells have grown in my bones or brain. Pretty sure these will come out negative, let's pray they do.
Then, next Wednesday I go to SCCA and will sort of receive a class with the two nurses about my medicines and treatments. That'll probably be boring and tiring, but I guess necessary so I know side affects and symptoms and what to do should they arise.
Wednesday I'll also have blood drawn so they can do some tests and then I'll head to the 5th floor for infusion services. This is the fun part. :P Every Wednesday for the next two months I will receive an IV of Bevacizumab. This drug targets cancerous cells and gives them death! Ha, take that.
Aside from the Bevacizumab, I'll also be on another drug called Interferon. This I will get to do where ever. It's a shot that I will take 3 times a week. (Remember, I hate needles so... this'll be fun.) Interferon is a "man-made form of a substance that [my] body naturally produces to fight infection and tumors."
Hopefully with these two drugs, my tumors will shrink and get to a point where it is operable. They want to go in knowing they can cut away all cancerous cells and not leave any behind.
At the beginning of the new year, after taking these medicines and good CTs, I will most likely go in for surgery to remove my kidney and tumors. Recovery from this is 4-8 weeks. Looks like my 26 birthday is going to be lots of fun...
Hopefully the surgery will get everything out successfully and I can be well on my way to being healthy once more. I was really nervous Monday and parts of Tuesday but once I know facts, I just kind of take things as they are. The side effects of the drugs may not be that fun (Decreased blood count, flu symptoms, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, nosebleeds, high blood pressure) but it really isn't too different from what I've been experiencing for months.
So, there you have it. If you feel like having a more specific prayer, pray that my tumors will shrink enough to be operable. If they don't, I really don't know what we'll do. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. :)
-Mallory
My dad and I went down to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) building today (just off the Science Center/Mercer St. exit in Seattle) and found out what the plan is going to be for me.
We first did some financial stuff, trying to get disability through DSHS so these many huge bills can be paid. Then it was up to the 4th floor to talk with Dr. Tykodi. Having worked with Dr. Chen at the Everett Clinic, and Dr. Lin at UW Medical center, I was expecting Dr. Tykodi to be asian too. Nope. Totally white.
Dr. Tykodi went over some questions with me about my family history and my symptom history. Then he told me the game plan for what's going to happen with my Renal Cell Carcinoma (RCC) (Kidney Cancer). Basically, at this point, I'm inoperable. If they went in, they'd be met by a lot of unknowns because of that tumor that is wrapping itself around my aorta. So, what they'll do instead of the RCC usual, (just surgery to take out the cancerous kidney) is give me "shrinking" drugs, for lack of a better term.
Friday I go in for an MRI and a Bone scan. These will help determine that no cancerous cells have grown in my bones or brain. Pretty sure these will come out negative, let's pray they do.
Then, next Wednesday I go to SCCA and will sort of receive a class with the two nurses about my medicines and treatments. That'll probably be boring and tiring, but I guess necessary so I know side affects and symptoms and what to do should they arise.
Wednesday I'll also have blood drawn so they can do some tests and then I'll head to the 5th floor for infusion services. This is the fun part. :P Every Wednesday for the next two months I will receive an IV of Bevacizumab. This drug targets cancerous cells and gives them death! Ha, take that.
Aside from the Bevacizumab, I'll also be on another drug called Interferon. This I will get to do where ever. It's a shot that I will take 3 times a week. (Remember, I hate needles so... this'll be fun.) Interferon is a "man-made form of a substance that [my] body naturally produces to fight infection and tumors."
Hopefully with these two drugs, my tumors will shrink and get to a point where it is operable. They want to go in knowing they can cut away all cancerous cells and not leave any behind.
At the beginning of the new year, after taking these medicines and good CTs, I will most likely go in for surgery to remove my kidney and tumors. Recovery from this is 4-8 weeks. Looks like my 26 birthday is going to be lots of fun...
Hopefully the surgery will get everything out successfully and I can be well on my way to being healthy once more. I was really nervous Monday and parts of Tuesday but once I know facts, I just kind of take things as they are. The side effects of the drugs may not be that fun (Decreased blood count, flu symptoms, fatigue, nausea, vomiting, nosebleeds, high blood pressure) but it really isn't too different from what I've been experiencing for months.
So, there you have it. If you feel like having a more specific prayer, pray that my tumors will shrink enough to be operable. If they don't, I really don't know what we'll do. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. :)
-Mallory
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Be strong and of a good courage
I was filling out paperwork today with my father, preparing for my doctors appointments early next week. Several times, in various ways, the question was asked What is your current stress level or how do you deal with stress or Who do you go to for comfort, What worries you most, etc. etc. Those questions were really hard for me. I haven't been stressed or riddled with anxiety during this process. My dad was trying to get me to circle different answers or rate the levels higher. I think he wanted what his stress and anxiety levels are to be adequately portrayed on the paperwork.
He, and several other friends and family members, is taking this much harder than I believe I myself am. I've mentioned to a few people that I'm not freaking out or becoming depressed, so why should you?
I was reading the current Ensign magazine which is all about temples. As I am still preparing and readying myself to go and attend with a full recommend, I thought it'd be a great thing to read and study. Several things were brought up that really help me understand why I feel the way I do about having cancer. Proverbs 3:5–6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” This is sort of one of my main themes in life. I've used this principle many times in deciding big and small decisions. Anytime a perceived obstacle comes across my path, for me I quickly remember to 'trust in the Lord.'
All of this is not to say that I haven't been concerned with the prospects of my future, for honestly those worries are many. I have somber moods. Occasionally my mind will think of my sister. She passed away at the age of 25. Here I am, 25 years of age. It's hard not to make a comparison, even though it wasn't cancer that took her. I think how if things don't turn out, how I'd be able to see her, and that makes me incredibly happy, because it's been nearly 7 years. On the same note, the pain my parents and family still deal with over her passing would be unbearable if it too happened to me. So, anytime these thoughts enter my mind, I simply remember where fear comes from, and oddly I'm comforted. Heavenly Father has given me many blessings and many have yet to be fulfilled.
I know some of you are not of my faith, but knowing these things brings me great comfort. God has much in store for me and I know all will be well. Yes, there may be lots of pain along the way, but it will pass. There is no need to fear. Another motto of mine comes from Joshua 1:9, a verse I studied greatly this summer, "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." No matter what may come, I know I am not alone. All is well in Zion. :)
He, and several other friends and family members, is taking this much harder than I believe I myself am. I've mentioned to a few people that I'm not freaking out or becoming depressed, so why should you?
I was reading the current Ensign magazine which is all about temples. As I am still preparing and readying myself to go and attend with a full recommend, I thought it'd be a great thing to read and study. Several things were brought up that really help me understand why I feel the way I do about having cancer. Proverbs 3:5–6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” This is sort of one of my main themes in life. I've used this principle many times in deciding big and small decisions. Anytime a perceived obstacle comes across my path, for me I quickly remember to 'trust in the Lord.'
All of this is not to say that I haven't been concerned with the prospects of my future, for honestly those worries are many. I have somber moods. Occasionally my mind will think of my sister. She passed away at the age of 25. Here I am, 25 years of age. It's hard not to make a comparison, even though it wasn't cancer that took her. I think how if things don't turn out, how I'd be able to see her, and that makes me incredibly happy, because it's been nearly 7 years. On the same note, the pain my parents and family still deal with over her passing would be unbearable if it too happened to me. So, anytime these thoughts enter my mind, I simply remember where fear comes from, and oddly I'm comforted. Heavenly Father has given me many blessings and many have yet to be fulfilled.
I know some of you are not of my faith, but knowing these things brings me great comfort. God has much in store for me and I know all will be well. Yes, there may be lots of pain along the way, but it will pass. There is no need to fear. Another motto of mine comes from Joshua 1:9, a verse I studied greatly this summer, "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." No matter what may come, I know I am not alone. All is well in Zion. :)
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Me? Sick? Never!
Well, seeing as doctors appointments can't be the only thing this blog is about, I wanted to start chronicling other parts of this journey I seemed to have started. Goodness knows I have enough time to do so.
I wanted to give a little timeline of my life and express how I feel about the fact that I got so sick unawares. Once you look through, you'll understand. Perhaps my life was made easy going on the health side just so that it could all come pounding on the door at once. Hardly fair I think, but as with most things in my life, bring it on now so I can go on and get it over with.
1984- In the womb: As far as my mother said, I was totally healthy and there were no problems. Nothing to suspect anything amiss.
1985- Jan: I was born and everything went smoothly. Healthy baby.
July: Chicken pox came but were very mild. If you look above my left eye, right under my eyebrow you can see a long scar left from where I scratched at it. :) Of course I would.
1991 About age 6 or so: Some random summer we had a party and after eating watermelon, I got the flu. Wasn't fun but didn't last long.
1993 About age 8: Chased after my brother on a bike barefoot and ended up with a rather bloody big toe.
1994 Age 9ish: Rode a bike too big for me and tipped over into a ditch. I hobbeled home and went to the doctors. He said my knee was sprained and i got crutches. I threw them down and was running around with my siblings a cousins within two hours.
1997 Age 12: Got out of a 15 passenger van in a swim suit at the beach. The large hook to close the door sliced open the side of my right thigh. Lots of blood. Still have a long thick scar to show for it.
2001 Age 16- March-April: Mono. This is the worst thing I ever went through. Couldn't eat or breath really. Lay on the couch all day missing school. Had to drink protein shakes to get some kind of food in, my throat was swollen. I lost a lot of weight this time too. Finally was better after about a month with mono.
June or July: Received food poisoning from podunk restaurant in Nevada. Nothin but pure vomit for three days. At least I was not alone.
2005- Wisdom teeth removed. First surgery and first stitches ever. Two days after I was at Godfathers all you can eat buffet. All was well with this one.
2008- Oct: Noticed something strange and after consulting with my medical backgrounded roommate, decided to go to the hospital. Declared a Kidney infection. Antibiotics prescribed, problem seemed solved. (By the way this, to me, with 20/20, was a definite sign of the beginning of all this trouble)
2009- Pretty much free of any health concerns whatsoever. Just the occasional pain in my left side. (Those days my tumor baby was kicking)
Dec: Went to the doctor and they said I had a UTI. Antibiotics were given. Had a Major fever and didn't feel too great during a part of my Christmas holiday.
2010- Well, this is really when it all started. Began to rapidly lose weight, fatigue started setting in, lots of phlegm (No not Fleur :) hehe), and the pain in my side was really starting to annoy. January I went in and they said I had a kidney infection. Antibiotics. March I was tired of all this so I went back to the doctor. Did a PAP a mammogram and blood work. Everything came back perfect and normal. Seriously?! And that is probably why I really didn't go to the doctor at all between March/April and September. Never having any results that said anything.
So, you shall all be able to see now that I have had hardly a scratch in my whole life and now I have this. Really it's all coming at once. I've never had a broken bone, and until my wisdom teeth were out, no surgery or stitches. That's a pretty big deal compared to other people, right? Well, there you go. Now you know a little bit more about me, and it isn't just my latests trip to have a date with a cup and a throne.
-Mallory
I wanted to give a little timeline of my life and express how I feel about the fact that I got so sick unawares. Once you look through, you'll understand. Perhaps my life was made easy going on the health side just so that it could all come pounding on the door at once. Hardly fair I think, but as with most things in my life, bring it on now so I can go on and get it over with.
1984- In the womb: As far as my mother said, I was totally healthy and there were no problems. Nothing to suspect anything amiss.
1985- Jan: I was born and everything went smoothly. Healthy baby.
July: Chicken pox came but were very mild. If you look above my left eye, right under my eyebrow you can see a long scar left from where I scratched at it. :) Of course I would.
1991 About age 6 or so: Some random summer we had a party and after eating watermelon, I got the flu. Wasn't fun but didn't last long.
1993 About age 8: Chased after my brother on a bike barefoot and ended up with a rather bloody big toe.
1994 Age 9ish: Rode a bike too big for me and tipped over into a ditch. I hobbeled home and went to the doctors. He said my knee was sprained and i got crutches. I threw them down and was running around with my siblings a cousins within two hours.
1997 Age 12: Got out of a 15 passenger van in a swim suit at the beach. The large hook to close the door sliced open the side of my right thigh. Lots of blood. Still have a long thick scar to show for it.
2001 Age 16- March-April: Mono. This is the worst thing I ever went through. Couldn't eat or breath really. Lay on the couch all day missing school. Had to drink protein shakes to get some kind of food in, my throat was swollen. I lost a lot of weight this time too. Finally was better after about a month with mono.
June or July: Received food poisoning from podunk restaurant in Nevada. Nothin but pure vomit for three days. At least I was not alone.
2005- Wisdom teeth removed. First surgery and first stitches ever. Two days after I was at Godfathers all you can eat buffet. All was well with this one.
2008- Oct: Noticed something strange and after consulting with my medical backgrounded roommate, decided to go to the hospital. Declared a Kidney infection. Antibiotics prescribed, problem seemed solved. (By the way this, to me, with 20/20, was a definite sign of the beginning of all this trouble)
2009- Pretty much free of any health concerns whatsoever. Just the occasional pain in my left side. (Those days my tumor baby was kicking)
Dec: Went to the doctor and they said I had a UTI. Antibiotics were given. Had a Major fever and didn't feel too great during a part of my Christmas holiday.
2010- Well, this is really when it all started. Began to rapidly lose weight, fatigue started setting in, lots of phlegm (No not Fleur :) hehe), and the pain in my side was really starting to annoy. January I went in and they said I had a kidney infection. Antibiotics. March I was tired of all this so I went back to the doctor. Did a PAP a mammogram and blood work. Everything came back perfect and normal. Seriously?! And that is probably why I really didn't go to the doctor at all between March/April and September. Never having any results that said anything.
So, you shall all be able to see now that I have had hardly a scratch in my whole life and now I have this. Really it's all coming at once. I've never had a broken bone, and until my wisdom teeth were out, no surgery or stitches. That's a pretty big deal compared to other people, right? Well, there you go. Now you know a little bit more about me, and it isn't just my latests trip to have a date with a cup and a throne.
-Mallory
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Biopsy Results
I had an appointment with the Urologist for Friday but the office called today and asked if I could come in at 130. My dad came and picked me up. They asked for another urine sample and I said no I don't have anything to give. It was the truth! So, didn't have to do that again. I felt there was no need anyway.
Dr Chen came in and I think my dad scared him. ha ha my dad said he might have to hit him with his newspaper if it wasn't good news. Well, it really wasn't good news. I think I pretty much knew what was coming so I haven't had any change in my emotions yet. I think my dad is taking this harder than I am.
I have Renal Cell Carcinoma, Kidney Cancer, afterall. My options now are to be referred (which is already done) to the urology cancer center at the University of Washington medical center in Seattle. Dr Chen says that surgery might not be an option because the tumor on the lymphnode is closing around my aorta but they'll know more at the other office. Most likely though, surgery or not, I'm gonna have to do Chemo.
I was looking at all the paperwork they gave us and was reading through all of Dr Chen's notes. The last I had seen any info on actual measurements of the tumors was I guess a big guess. The lymphnode one has a measurement of 10.6cm. That's huge. I mean, it sure looked like it on the CT imaging on the computer but that's pretty big. So even with surgery, they'll have to zap away a lot of the rest of the tumor(s).
It's also all a little complicated by the fact that I have no insurance. My parents are trying to figure it all out. We're hoping to get me set up with some program at the hospital but we'll see. It's all very fresh at this point.
I'm not really sure what else to say. It's weird because Dr Chen said this type of cancer is not common at all for people my age. He's pretty sure the cancer is aggressive because of my age and just how fast it has grown (even though he's not entirely sure). He said if I was like in my 60's he would guess that the tumors have grown to this size over a course of 4-5 years. He does not think that is with my case. It's all very strange.
Well, as you all know me, I always look to the brighter side. If I do have to have chemo, and all my hair falls out, I certainly have a large collection of stinkin cute hats to wear. You're more than welcome to contribute to that. haha
Thanks everyone!
-Mallory
PS If you're getting sick and tired of praying for me, cause truly I know it'll happen, :) pray for my grandma. She has a cracked rib and the pain meds do nothing. Hopefully that heals up soon.
Dr Chen came in and I think my dad scared him. ha ha my dad said he might have to hit him with his newspaper if it wasn't good news. Well, it really wasn't good news. I think I pretty much knew what was coming so I haven't had any change in my emotions yet. I think my dad is taking this harder than I am.
I have Renal Cell Carcinoma, Kidney Cancer, afterall. My options now are to be referred (which is already done) to the urology cancer center at the University of Washington medical center in Seattle. Dr Chen says that surgery might not be an option because the tumor on the lymphnode is closing around my aorta but they'll know more at the other office. Most likely though, surgery or not, I'm gonna have to do Chemo.
I was looking at all the paperwork they gave us and was reading through all of Dr Chen's notes. The last I had seen any info on actual measurements of the tumors was I guess a big guess. The lymphnode one has a measurement of 10.6cm. That's huge. I mean, it sure looked like it on the CT imaging on the computer but that's pretty big. So even with surgery, they'll have to zap away a lot of the rest of the tumor(s).
It's also all a little complicated by the fact that I have no insurance. My parents are trying to figure it all out. We're hoping to get me set up with some program at the hospital but we'll see. It's all very fresh at this point.
I'm not really sure what else to say. It's weird because Dr Chen said this type of cancer is not common at all for people my age. He's pretty sure the cancer is aggressive because of my age and just how fast it has grown (even though he's not entirely sure). He said if I was like in my 60's he would guess that the tumors have grown to this size over a course of 4-5 years. He does not think that is with my case. It's all very strange.
Well, as you all know me, I always look to the brighter side. If I do have to have chemo, and all my hair falls out, I certainly have a large collection of stinkin cute hats to wear. You're more than welcome to contribute to that. haha
Thanks everyone!
-Mallory
PS If you're getting sick and tired of praying for me, cause truly I know it'll happen, :) pray for my grandma. She has a cracked rib and the pain meds do nothing. Hopefully that heals up soon.
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